


Notes

by youreyestheyglow



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 14:04:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1943952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youreyestheyglow/pseuds/youreyestheyglow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean finally confesses his love to Marco.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Notes

**Author's Note:**

> I was playing around with the song [Marco](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYUFa7yaQWw), and it struck me that it kind of sounded like a love confession: the slow, nervous buildup, the loud, fast, outpouring of notes/words in the middle, the quiet notes at the end that slowly taper off as the person realizes what they've said and remembers that the reaction isn't guaranteed to be good. My first thought was jeanmarco, so this happened. The song would play during the lengthy middle paragraph in which Jean confesses.  
> My recording of the song is [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBJhoSRHy0o), but as it says in the description, I literally set my phone on my piano and hit record. The quality isn't great and I'm pretty sure I made a few mistakes, but it is played to sound more like how I described it than as a death song.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it would pop out of my chest.

On the other hand, it also liked to stutter to a stop before picking back up at twice the speed it was meant to go.

I hoped it didn't show, but this was  _Marco_ I was talking to. He knew. He knew there was something wrong.

"Jean?" His voice was staccato with worry, a quick beat that somehow held a much longer question:  _what's going on? Are you okay?_

"I have something to tell you," I began, purposefully speaking slowly. I knew if I didn't keep close tabs on the speed at which I spoke, I'd end up speaking so fast a metronome wouldn't be able to tap out the pace of my words, but I think I overdid it. My opening sentence ended up being awkwardly slow. Or maybe I just thought it was. "I'm not sure how long it'll take, so - do you have a minute? To listen?"

There's a short pause, a hold, and he nods, one short jerk of his head. 

"So, I - well - I want to -" I can hear myself slipping. My voice is rising a little, too, discomfort and anxiety working their way through. I heave in a breath. I can do this. I practiced this. "I've been trying to figure out how to say this for a long time now," my voice still doesn't sound right but it's okay, I knew this would happen, "And I'm really not sure how to put this, and I'm a little nervous. Sorry about that." I laugh a little, mostly out of nerves, but Marco's mouth twitches into a tiny, encouraging smile, and my heart pulls a triple grace note before thumping back down in time for my next heartbeat and my anxiety fades a little. Somehow, Marco makes it easier, even if he's looking more worried by the minute. "We've been friends for a really long time. I've kind of known you forever." My voice drops a little, closer to it's normal pitch, but rises again as I say "You've been with me through everything and I always just thought that -" Nope, nope, nope, not good. I will my voice to drop again. "You're my best friend. And honestly, that's more than I could ask from you, ever, more than I deserve -" my voice is rising again because he looks like he's going to interrupt but I won't be able to speak again if he does that so I just plow through - "and I know that and honestly I'm ok with that but -" that's a truth-lie that I'd never be able to explain, so I change tactics again and my voice drops. "You're really important to me, in ways you don't even know, and I just need you to know, I'm sorry but -" My voice reaches an unbearable pitch, it's idiotic, but I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath and at some point in the heavy pause between sentences Marco's hand finds my shoulder and it's dumb it's so stupid it's so inconsequential but it  _matters_ , it matters so much I can't handle it, and my whole prepared speech goes out the window - not that I hadn't already fucked it up beyond repair - and even my backup plan of just saying it, calm and cool and collected, a short and simple sonata of words, was gone, and all I can manage is a "Marco, I'm about to say something important. I hope it doesn't change anything," before a damn  _barrage_ of notes comes pouring out of my mouth like water. "I love you, so much, and I know I've said it before but it's different this time, this time I mean it, I mean it like I want to marry you and spend the rest of my fucking life with you and see your face every morning when I wake up and make you breakfast in the morning and do your damn laundry and all that stupid domestic shit, I want to do it with you, I love you so much that holding the words back has been an enormous fuckin' struggle they're all I've wanted to say for the past year, I love everything about you, how you insist on holding the door for anyone behind you and how you're an absolute goddamn grump in the morning and how excited you get about the things you love and how annoyed you get about things you hate and I love that I know you well enough to get to see parts of you that aren't a veritable fucking Freckled Jesus and I just want to know all of you, everything, and I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know every single part of you." My word vomit slows down towards the end, and I pause for a moment when it's over, feeling two hundred pounds lighter, until I open my eyes and see Marco's eyes a foot and a half in front of me and half the size of his face and realize it's not over yet. "I... I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way. I'm sorry if this made things awkward, I'm willing to forget it if you are." My voice is just a whisper now, partly to hide the fact that it's so high it could break glass and partly to hide my cracking heart because it's another truth-lie, another thing that I'd willingly do without a second thought if it meant keeping Marco but that would kill me, it wouldn't be okay, it would be awful but I'd fucking do it anyway and he's  _still not saying anything_ and I keep speaking  _why am I still speaking_ \- "I'm sorry if it sounds creepy but honestly, I'd do anything to keep you even as just a friend. Your friendship means so much to me I - don't know how to tell you, and if that's all we'll ever be I'm happy with that. But if you want to be more - if you want to give it a try - I - I'm willing. And I love you. And I'm sorry." My voice falls flat on the last word. It's another truth-lie. I'd be sorry if he stopped talking to me because of this, but like fuck I'm sorry for telling him. 

It sounds like he's having trouble breathing.

He's going to reject me. He's going to reject me and I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life hiding the fact that I'm crumbling like an old brick wall. He's going to reject me and that's going to be it, the only chance I'll ever have with him and love and happiness and  _him_ , gone.

My whole world freezes.

I take note of this moment.

Of Marco's enormous eyes.

Of my own beating heart.

Of the way everything seems like it's disappeared, will never exist again.

Of the way Marco's lips are curling up into a smile, of the way giggles pour from his mouth like notes, like a happy sonatina, of the way I barely have time to worry that he's laughing at me before he jumps on me, still laughing, and kisses my cheek. 

Of the honesty that sounds in his voice when he says "I love you too, Jean. I love you."

Of the moment when it clicks that he's laughing out of pure joy, and the moment when I start laughing too, because he's hugging me and smiling and laughing and I love him, so much, so much my chest feels like it's about to burst, and I say it, over and over again because I can.

I don't stop until Marco kisses my lips.


End file.
